Fear? Life in General.

[MagicEmperor]

What do you guys think about Fear? or Life in General. I have noticed lately as I have been getting older things haven't been getting better for me much its scary. Every decision I make ends up being the wrong one. I'm wondering if I can get some advice from you guys about that I'm only 20 turning 21 in a couple months. I cant decide what to do in school, I graduated high school and now I have no dedication. I feel like I care to much what people also say or do I'm starting to think I'm a people follower. I think life is scary. Any Input at all?

[Nobiyuki77]

It's been the story of my post-school life. Making one bumbling mistake after another, and growing fearful of making more. I'm trying to be patient and really think through what I want to do with the rest of my life so I don't end up miserable. Hopefully. ;_;

The world can be a very scary place if you don't know where you want to go or more importantly, how you get there. The second part is even hard than the first! >_<

[MagicEmperor]

I know I'm so confused too, its just its getting harder and harder life's rough.

[CatsWithMatches]

Take it from someone ten years older than you - follow what you love, not what makes you money or is practical. It always gets harder to change course down the road.

[MagicEmperor]

Yeah, a lot of people say do what you love not what makes you money that's a good point. I guess I'm starting to figure out what they mean.

[Dark_Fairy]

I sort of understand how you feel, MagicEmperor. I started off experimenting, actually. I started off as a Graphic Art Management major (it's basically printing) for my first semester, then I wanted to major in art my second semester. I backed out of it before I took any classes though because I felt I simply wasn't good enough. Then I went to being undecided until the beginning of Sophomore year. I ended up taking a Psychology class because it could fill a requirement needed for the core classes at my university. I looked more into Psychology and what it had to offer at my school, and I decided I would major in it since there was a variety of jobs I could get with a Psychology degree. I've stuck with it ever since then. Not only because I could do different sorts of jobs with it, but because I really do like it.

Even though I like it, I still wonder if it is the right path. I may have it has my major, but I have no idea what I'm doing after I get out of college. I don't know if I want to go to graduate school, if I just want to stick with a Bachelor's Degree, or what. I've been really trying to think about that this semester since next year is my senior year. With all of that said, even though I wonder if this was the right decision, I don't think I would have gone another route. I would have loved to have done something with computers, but I wouldn't have been able to handle the math needed for something like computer science. I'll take psychology though since I like it.

Anyway, just try to find something you like. If you can, try taking a class that sounds interesting to you. That's how I discovered I liked psychology.

[MagicEmperor]

I actually took Psychology It was okay, yeah that's exactly how I feel. I'm just lost, there is so many things to do its hard to choose something you wont regret later. I took the marking period off or semester off for now. I'm really trying to make the right decision. You can only throw so much money a certain way without it ending up for nothing. I'm loosing dedication like crazy !

[Shiva Indis]

Do what interests you. It's hard to say where life will lead you or how you'll apply your skills, but if I can make it, you can make it. :p

[MagicEmperor]

haha its too tough but I guess I should just do something to make a living out of it. Enjoying life is'nt free haha.

[Monde Luna]

I'd say go to college and study something you love to get a job that you love. Nothing is worse than having a good paying job that is miserable. You spend a good percentage of your life working, loving your job is a must.

As for worrying about life and not knowing what to do that comes with time. I grew up pretty fast and settled relatively young. However I still don't think I figured "life" out until I was about 26. You will probably figure things out in due time.

[brit]

Everyone’s pretty much said it. The key is to do something you love even if it’s not really realistic.
Advice I wish I would’ve listened to 4 years ago instead I’m getting ready to graduate with a career that I really could care less about.

[Kizyr]

I'm always bothered by the whole "choose what you love instead of what makes you money" ideal. Not because it's a bad ideal, but because it's really unrealistic as to what kind of choices you're likely to face in life. Realistically, you're not going to have a binary choice between a job that makes money but makes you unhappy versus one that makes you happy but less money. It's never that simple.

What you'll probably have, instead, are a bunch of options of paths you can start down (a field of study, a degree program, entry-level at some company, starting a business, etc.). You never know for certain how much money each path would make, and you don't really know how happy each one would make you -- what you can figure out, instead, are some probabilities and likelihoods based on what you do know. And even that's uncertain and constantly changing.

As a "simple" example (but more realistic than the 'two choices' one), let's say you have:
Path #1: You're likely to be rich, but you'd end up doing something you hate (e.g., law school)
Path #2: You're really likely to be well-off enough (but not rich), and you'd end up doing something that's okay but you're not terribly enthusiastic about (e.g., get a business degree)
Path #3: You could be well off but you're unlikely to succeed at this, even though it's something you love doing (e.g., musician -- if you're a mediocre musician)
Path #4: You could make a decent living or be really poor, no telling which one, but it's something you love doing (e.g., art school -> professional artist)
Path #5: Some other path that you never realized until you listed out all your options like this -- one that could make you happy enough, but also carries less risk of ending up in poverty (e.g., get a business degree, start making connections with people in the art industry, and apply to intern at an interior design company)

The whole "choose what you love" thing only really knocks off option #1. After that, you still have to decide what kind of things make you happy and compare those against one another. Then, perhaps you're the sort of person where being perpetually poor makes you really unhappy -- in which case maybe it's worth it to take a little 'hit' in happiness at work so that you can avoid being unhappy everywhere else. Then add to that how, especially when you're young, your preferences and ideas for what to do in your life are going to be constantly changing.

So... yeah, just going with "choose what you love" ends up being really unhelpful. If it were up to me, I'd suggest instead doing the following (since you still have time):
1. Figure out what sort of things, and what sort of subjects, interest you
2. Figure out what kind of career options those things open up
3. Figure out what kinds of paths you might have ahead of you
4. Figure out the risks involved, and whether you're ok with those risks (be realistic here...)
5. Keep re-visiting 1-4, 'cause you might either change your mind or find out new things

The kind of advice to seek, then, isn't the answer to "what should I do", but rather "what could I do, and how do I feel about that". I figure that the latter places more emphasis on you, since it's your life you're making the decisions for.

...ok that turned more rant-y than I thought it would. Maybe I'll come back and comment on something else. KF

[Werefrog]

I think Kizyr pretty much nailed it.

I would just like to add that work is only one aspect of life. You can go to an awful job during the week and still have a weekend doing things you love. I like cooking, but I'm never going to be a chef (I work way too slowly). That doesn't stop me from trying out new things on my day off.

In fact... there are sometimes when getting paid for something can turn something you like to do into a miserable chore.

[MagicEmperor]

You guys all pretty much nailed it and yes definitely will do some of the things you listed Kizyr I do have to be realistic about some of these choices. Thanks a lot guys it definitely is tough to make the right decision. I personally think I stress and worry way too much, so I have to work on that its one of the things holding me back.

[Kizyr]

First off, MagicEmperor, do you mind if I ask what your college situation is? You said you were taking a semester off, so it sounded like you are already enrolled somewhere, but I wasn't sure. I ask because nearly any four-year college/university is going to have a lot of easily-accessible resources to help out with education/job/career options. (Though a more fundamental thing is knowing that (a) there're a lot of other people your age with the same anxieties, and (b) there's no real 'due date' for when you have to figure out what to do with your life -- and there's no reason to think that you have to commit yourself to one thing for the rest of your life anyway, since that's just one of many paths.) KF

[MagicEmperor]

I don't mind at all , um so far i went two years for basics at a Community College. Now I'm taking this whole semester off doing a lot of thinking and talking to friends about it. I'm terrible in math its one of the things holding me back but this summer that's all I'm going to concentrate on. Also it is tricky to ask the councilor's at the community college to help you figure something out because all the ones i talked to there so far just try to get me to pick more classes even tho i don't know what I'm going for.

[phyco126]

Ah, fear. Been there, did that, still doing that. There are always something that will make you feel anxiety/fearful of the future. Unless you are someone that just doesn't get that way anyway, then I envy you.

But... I do want to throw in there that it is possible to make money doing what you love. I can't vouch for all doctors, but I've met doctors/professionals that make a solid six-figure income and they love their jobs so freaking much. I have also met professionals who make the same amount who hate their jobs, but they press forward because of the pay and benefits.

[MagicEmperor]

Yeah, its hard to deal with.

[Ardent Fox]

Life is hard, then you deploy.