Dear ladies of the board.... a question about dating

[Katze]

If the guy is in highschool, then he isn't obligated to have a job or money. He is probably still supported by his parents, which is fine.

But if I'm going to date a guy who is out on his own, he better have a job. If he doesn't have one, then he better find one quickly. It also means a lot to me if he got a college education, because they really help when looking for a satisfactory job. I don't care if his job pays a lot or not. Just as long as he is doing something that he really loves...so that also means that I don't really like it if a guy has a high-paying job, but hates it because he can never spend time with his girlfriend/wife/children/whatever.

So for ME to date a guy, he doesn't have to have a lot of money, but he needs to be responsible. I don't want to date someone who can't even support themselves. And yes, I plan on getting a job myself. That's another thing....he HAS to let me work if I want to. If he wants me to be a stay at home mom for my whole life, well, too bad. I have ambitions. It's just that if I ever have kids, I want to be able to stay at home with them until they can go to school, so for that time period I hope whatever job he has can support the both of us.

So, in conclusion, I'm going to date/marry for love and not for material posessions. He doesn't need to pamper me with diamonds and crap. BUT, he also needs to have a job that he can support himself with... working at McDonalds doesn't cut it. Basically, I'm not going to fall in love with a guy in the first place if he doesn't want to make a future for himself.

I'm not sure how many women in the world choose love over money. I know a lot who say that money doesn't matter, but those people just might be the minority...

[YoshiMars]

I was meaning that you shouldn't think that, as even though a large portion of society might feel that way (the whole capitalist mentality) not everyone does. I do appreciate the clarification on who you've been watching, though I still say that it's not a fair judgment to be placed on everyone. You'll find that there are plenty of folks out there who disagree with how society views things.

As far as you seeing things here as what you were seeing things in the initial conversation, I'm not sure that's right. As I've said, it's not the money but the drive to be responsible. Which in this society could be viewed as the money is better, I mentioned before its an unfortunate necessity. I will say however, when I am looking to date (which I haven't been for some time) I look for a man I can love, someone with a personality and interests that are close and/or compliment mine. I admit I can be a bit shallow and look at a guy for his looks, but I usually figured that the "popular/good looking" types were out of my league (Which is true, but I don't care now, beauty is what lies beneath the skin, there does need to be physical attraction in a relationship but it can't all be all about that.). But I digress...

I will say again that firstly; don't be so hard on yourself! Just from the short time I've been on this board and known you, you're a nice guy! Nice guys do get the girl... unfortunately it takes time. Are you in college? From my experience it's a good place to meet people whilst getting that degree. =)

[LuNaRtIc]

Man, money's a pain in the @$$ e__e

Here are my views, I'm a high school senior.

I think it's important for you to know what I prefer in a relationship first so you can understand where I'm coming from. Here's some of it:
I'm still young and I suppose I haven't experienced a very serious relationship yet. All of my relationships have lasted for a few months, but my views of love are still very romantic and innocent. Fantasy like, you know? I believe that both partners must commit to each other for anything to work. I believe an Alex/Luna kind of relationship is an ideal relationship, and something I want to have in my life. But I'm doubting that type of love still exists anymore. I think people are too concerned with themselves these days to truely commit to another person, and that's why nasty things like divorce is more common today.

I took a quiz on blogthings once which gave me results that are extremely accurate:

The Keys to Your Heart



You are attracted to good manners and elegance.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are optimistic and happy.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

http://www.blogthings.com/keystoyourheartquiz/


Okay, now that you know what type of a person I am when it comes to relationships, here's my answer to your poll question. xD I picked 'depends'. I'm not a material person when it comes to relationships. I don't expect any type of gifts in the least. In fact, once I didn't tell my boyfriend it was my birthday because I didn't want him to worry about getting me a present or anything. The best kind of gift I can recieve from my boyfriend would be love and affection. I'd rather have a passionate kiss over a piece of jewelry any day. As long as I'm able to express my love for that person, and have him express it back equally, then I'd be truly happy. That's the best gift anyone can recieve.

Now the other end to that is the financial support thing. As long as we're able to make ends meet and still be happy, then nothing else really matters. However if I were the only person making some income and he wasn't, don't think I would date that person. As Katze said, I would like a guy who's responsible enough to support himself. Of course, I would work too. I believe both people need to be devoted in a relationship. It takes two people to make it work, and I believe that both people should put forth the effort to help support each other. That the foundation of a relationship, isn't it? Love and support?

Yay, anyway, rant over. xD

[phyco126]

No, unfortunately I'm not in college. I'm actually unemployeed and trying to get through a rather bad time in my life, which there currently seems to be no end to. So, being unemployeed and not getting good enough grades in school for scholarships/grants, I have no access to entering college. Just before I lost my job, I was preparing to start college in fall of that year, but no sooner did I finish the testing parts, I was fired and unable to get a job since then.

I believe an Alex/Luna kind of relationship is an ideal relationship, and something I want to have in my life. But I'm doubting that type of love still exists anymore.

Actually, I feel the same way. I too doubt that love of that type exists anymore, but obviously there are bound to be some love like it, especially if you just said that's the love you want.

[GhaleonOne]

Fun quiz Lunartic. I did mine!

---

You are attracted to obedience and warmth.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was emotional, moody, and difficult to please.

Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

---

The only ones I disagree with are the last two. I love the idea of marriage with a lifelong companion, and in the last one, I can fall for someone easily if I let myself. Other than that, yeah, they're pretty on target.

[Sonic#]

No, unfortunately I'm not in college. I'm actually unemployeed and trying to get through a rather bad time in my life, which there currently seems to be no end to. So, being unemployeed and not getting good enough grades in school for scholarships/grants, I have no access to entering college. Just before I lost my job, I was preparing to start college in fall of that year, but no sooner did I finish the testing parts, I was fired and unable to get a job since then.

I believe an Alex/Luna kind of relationship is an ideal relationship, and something I want to have in my life. But I'm doubting that type of love still exists anymore.

Actually, I feel the same way. I too doubt that love of that type exists anymore, but obviously there are bound to be some love like it, especially if you just said that's the love you want.

Is there any financial aid for someone that's below the poverty line? I thought there was, but it may be in place for families and those just leaving high school, rather than those that have been out in the world for a couple of years.

I think the FAFSA might be one way to establish your need, but you'd better look into it yourself; I believe you have to be 25, married, a veteran, or something like that to not have to include parents' income.

[GhaleonOne]

If you have divorced parents, you just use the parent that makes the least, and if they're under a certain limit, you're set. Even then, there's scholarships out there that aren't even based on parental aid. But having a parent that doesn't make much definately gets you hooked up. And if you do it, MAKE SURE TO GET YOUR FAFSA IN BEFORE THE DEADLINE. I swear, that's the biggest problem with people. If the deadline is March 15th, get it in in February. You're shooting yourself in the foot if you don't. In my case, it was the difference of about 6-7 THOUSAND dollars of financial aid. My mom hadn't remarried yet, so I used her. If I had used my dad, I wouldn't have gotten a lot of that, regardless of the fact that he's in major debt and wouldn't be able to help much anyways.

So phyco, if you plan to go to college for the 2007-2008 year, make absolutely certain you put that FAFSA in the moment you can (Jan-early Feb at the latest - some states have a Feb. 15th deadline - not sure what Colorado is offhand). For a cheaper college, you could possibly get money back in the longrun. And make certain you stay above full time status. You loose a ton of the money if you drop below 12 hours a semester.

[YoshiMars]

What Gone said. There are options to people who don't have a lot of money, my boyfriend gets government aid to go to school and that aid pays for it all; classes, books, and it even gives a kickback for living expenses. I don't get that kind of thing (my parents make too much, I don't exactly live with them but I'm not exactly on my own... it's complicated.) but even so... fill out that FAFSA!

[GhaleonOne]

So, being unemployeed and not getting good enough grades in school for scholarships/grants

I forgot to add this, but Phyco, depending on your parents income (whichever makes the least, use them), you should be able to get quite a bit of money. Assuming your grades were even decent (we're talking a 2.0 or less here), you can get government assistance. Even if your GPA is less than that, take some classes at a JuCo, get a few gen. ed. classes out of the way and raise the GPA that way. Your GPA only goes back so many years. You take two years at a cheap JuCo, and get all your gen. ed. done, along with getting that GPA up. Even if all else fails, you can always get a student loan to pay for JuCo. It's not that expensive. And once you've got 2 years and an Associates, transfer to a college that isn't super expensive, and they ONLY go off of your college GPA. Not high school.

[Katze]

I guess I might as well take the quiz too.

---

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored.

You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

---

It's all very accurate except for the third and last ones.

[phyco126]

So, being unemployeed and not getting good enough grades in school for scholarships/grants

I forgot to add this, but Phyco, depending on your parents income (whichever makes the least, use them), you should be able to get quite a bit of money. Assuming your grades were even decent (we're talking a 2.0 or less here), you can get government assistance. Even if your GPA is less than that, take some classes at a JuCo, get a few gen. ed. classes out of the way and raise the GPA that way. Your GPA only goes back so many years. You take two years at a cheap JuCo, and get all your gen. ed. done, along with getting that GPA up. Even if all else fails, you can always get a student loan to pay for JuCo. It's not that expensive. And once you've got 2 years and an Associates, transfer to a college that isn't super expensive, and they ONLY go off of your college GPA. Not high school.

Well, I don't know if I can even get loans at the moment. After all, my credit score looks like germany right after world war II. I believe my final GPA was 2.75ish, but I could be wrong. Not that I wasn't all that smart mind you, I just didn't care. Kind of wish I actually did care, I could have easily gotten a very good GPA.

Now speaking of GPA, what the heck is JuCo and Gen. Ed.? O_o

As for the quiz thing, I took it but I didn't like the results. The first half was alright, but it litterally was the same as LuNaRtIc's. The second half was sort of contradictory to the first half, and completely not me. *shrugs*

[GhaleonOne]

You can likely still get a student loan. I'd be willing to bet you can get some, and really, depending on the school, if your mom doesn't make much (which I assume your dad makes the most of the two from what you've said) then you'll likely get enough federal and state grants that loans won't even be a factor. Seriously, turn that crap in and decide on a college before the end of January. I bet you'll be shocked. I don't mean to be rude, but it almost seems like you're looking for an excuse to fail and play the victum. Until you go try, you'll never know how much you can get.

Also...
JuCo=community college/junior college.
Gen. ed. means general education courses (all the basic math, english, speech, history, etc. you're required regardless of degree).

[phyco126]

Well, aside from FASFA and picking a college, I really don't know where to begin to look into info for any of this kind of stuff. I know the college people have staff to help with this, but in terms of grants and other none-loan aids, I don't know where to start.

So at least let me get this straight, fill out Fasfa and stuff and do whatever needs to be done before Jan. of 2007, so I can begin classes in fall of 2007, right?

Now, right now my dad makes like, 90+ thousand a year, plus an addition 15-25K in non-cash assests (like company paid travel, food, insurance, etc.) and my mom makes closer to about 25K. So yeah, mom would work.

[GhaleonOne]

Dude, if your mom makes 25k, you're set, so long as she's not married to someone that makes a lot of money. Just don't count your dad on the FAFSA at all. You should get tons of aid. In terms of getting grants and stuff, you can't get anything if you don't fill out the FAFSA. Fill that thing out immediately after the first of the year. Also apply to whatever school you're going to go to. Once you've done that, you go into their financial aid office and talk to them about need based assistance. Some schools you have to go in and push them. Mainly community colleges, but the majority of universities and four year schools will do most of the work for you, so long as your FAFSA has been submitted prior to the deadlines, and you're applied for the next school year. So yeah, you fill out a 2007-2008 FAFSA in January, turn that in, and the aid you get will be for the fall of 2007/spring of 2008. It's too late for 2006-2007, unfortunately. You could always look into a class or two in the spring just to get used to school again. You can still fill out the 2006-2007 FAFSA, but you probably won't get much because the deadlines are all well past.

But yeah, considering your mother's income level, you're perfect for need-based assistance. And a lot of it will be non-loan grants and such. If you show me what schools you're going to, I can look some stuff up and probably give you an idea of a few of the grants you'd likely get.

[phyco126]

Well, there are many to choose from here in the Springs' itself. We have Colorado College, Pikes Peak Community College, UCCS (not sure what that stands for), and University of Phoenix (not sure how big the two campuses of UoP is nor what they offer.) There might be another one I'm forgetting, but that's all the ones that come to mind here in the city itself.

[Faust]

Interesting topic...

From where Faust comes from, it is said that as a guy, if you work hard (stay in school, stay away from drugs, eat your veggies) get a decent job the ladies would come and be naturally attracted to you... Have yet to be proven...And if the saying is anything to go by, it seems that the ladies would only date a guy with money... >_<

Took the quiz...

Your risk of cheating is 100%. You are not suited for a monogamous relationship.

You think of marriage as something precious. You'll treasure marriage and treat it as sacred.

In this moment, you think of love as something you can get or discard anytime. You're feeling self centered

What the... Faust would like his money back now... ^_^

Oh Mr phyco126 good luck in college... ^_^

[phyco126]

Thank you. By the way, I think your quiz results where hilariously condradicting. Too funny.

Back to being on topic. Alright ladies, so far the over all responces has been a mixture of two things. 1. He has to have money to provide support, such as food and shelter. 2. He has to have money not just for support, but beyond that (so instead of an apartment and a beat up car, you get a huge house, a large swimming pool, and a BMW.) Is this a fair interpritation? Wanna get it right before I go and talk to my sister about the results

[YoshiMars]

I didn't exactly say that Phyco, or at least that's not how I would want it interpreted. Money is not the main factor of choosing a mate, money is a result of responsibility (if you are responsible you probably end up with enough to support yourself) but responsibility is more than just money. It’s the ability to take on the tasks of a relationship and be able to handle hardships, stay true to the person they’re with, and otherwise commit to the person they are in a relationship with. Responsibility and commitment are two big things for me; money is a much smaller issue. Which, like I said, I've taken into my own hands and have been going to school so I'll end up with a salary that I can live off of nicely. That way it doesn't matter what the man I'm with makes, I'll take care of it. If I can support the family with my paycheck alone, that is fine by me. In fact that is what I am working for.

So I suppose I can understand your first statement, but I didn't see why you said the second one. No offense.

[phyco126]

No offense taken, but I was merely just saying it because that's how I saw it in some posts. I also don't mean it in a mean way, so don't think the statement is a sort of attack or anything.

Now, you brought up a statement that my sister even brought up. Girls may judge a guy based on if he has money or not, because if he does then it shows he is responcible. It makes sense, but I disagree completely. Just because he has money doesn't make him responsible, and just because he has no money doesn't make him irresponcible either. I can understand thinking that way, but I believe that kind of view is misleading.

[YoshiMars]

And I believe assuming that all girls want a man who has money is misleading. I was just using the responsibility tag there as such.... especially for people in my boat, being a college student when I see responsible guys I see guys who not only are getting thier class work done but are maintaining good grades while supporting themselves (that can include a job plus scholarships or government aid, I'm fine with that too.) versus guys who are irresponsible (bad grades, probably partiers, have money but its all bummed off mommy and daddy while junior here has never worked a day in his life, nor is he really here to get an education) I would much sooner go for the man who is working for something in life. I guess you could say I look for intelligence and good grades as well as responsibility and commitment.
I say again, money is an unfortunate necessity in to-day's world, it's one of those securities we all look for, men and women alike. And again, I am working and going to school so I can take care of everything I can by myself. I mean my current boyfriend really doesn't have any money... he works full time and goes to school, he gets government aid (much like G-one described above.), and most of his job money is going to pay off his car, not me. But that's okay! I am very happy with him as long as he's with me I can be happy. The best things he can give me are a smile and a hug. The only reason I am even concerned about money is because the University is taking all mine. The price I pay for education, but that means I'm pretty short on money all the time. It's okay, because I know I'll be making plenty once I get my doctorate... plenty to support the family. (the eventual family that is.)

My point is I see responsibility as something that shows a man is going somewhere with his life, and in college it usually means he's got a job and is making something, that's where I get my responsibility means he probably has some money. Now by "somewhere in his life" I don't necessarily mean he's going to be an MD or anything... he could be something like a teacher or something that doesn't end up making a whole lot, but that's okay with me. It still shows he is responsible enough to want and maintain the goals to an eventual career. And if he's able to do that, he'll be able to accept the responsibilities of a relationship and a family (or at least I hope so), just as I too am working to be able to accept the same responsibilities. It's not a one way street, if I expect a man to be able to do certain things I have to be able to accomplish those as well.