For the first time in my life I broke up w/ a friend.

[Monde Luna]

Insipired by Nobi!

About an hour ago I basically told a friend (of 3 years) that I don't want to be her friend anymore. I totally feel like a jerk. Have any of you done this before?

The most ironic part of it all is that I love people and I generally get along w/ everyone. People tend to like me for the most part, I'm usually very nice...

[whitedragon_nall]

I never actually "broken up" with a friend before, but there has been a couple times when I just stopped hanging out with them due to various reasons.

What happened, if you don't mind me asking?

[Werefrog]

There was a funny Seinfeld episode about breaking up with childhood friends. It was in the first season I believe. I've never told anyone I don't want to be friends anymore. I just grow apart from people. I don't have any animosity towards them though.

[Monde Luna]

It's kind of a long story but I will try to keep it short.

So I had this friend who basically only has 3 friends total (now 2) and we became friends in college because we had all our classes together. So basically she comes across as a b---- generally speaking and she is so rude to people, although she has been getting better. She is a know it all that actually does know a lot and she talks down to people like they are stupid when they don't know something, but she is actually quite sensitive. I'm honest to a fault so we had a couple of conversations about the way she comes across and the way that people perceive her. We have even talked about our personal issues communicating w/ one another because she will aggravate me and I will offend her. The girl has had a interesting life and she has some social issues. Deep down she has a big heart...

I'm generally a super nice person that loves people so I tried really hard to make it work...until last night. I took her out to dinner for her bday (its next week), then we went to the sauna, she took a shower at my place and I made smoothies. We were watching TV w/ my hubby and she decided she wanted to go to On The Border for desserts so we went and met up w/ another friend along the way. Sooooo this is when I lost it... We where sitting there and she was talking about this guy she just met on the Internet, she is very excited about it. I had been listening to her talk about him all day and said some nice things about the things they have in common, they are both very smart etc. So she says something along the lines of I'm so excited all I have been doing is waiting for his emails (which she kept looking at while we were hanging out). Then I made some stupid sarcastic comment, I think I said, "That's so silly" or something and then she got all teary eyed. I tried to make a couple of jokes to cheer her up, I also tried to comment about how I tease my other friend (who was there) about her latest fling but it didn't work. She said something about me hurting her feelings and I apologized and said it wasn't my intention. Then she said something else along the lines that I was blaming her or something and I said, "I'm done". Needless to say the ride home was awkward. Then I said look I don't think we should be friends anymore we have tried to make this work but we just keep fighting. (This year I got to the point where I got sick of the way she treated people so I started speaking up so we have been arguing) I said she doesn't need to be friends w/ someone that is always hurting her feelings and that I don't need to be aggravated all the time. She said she wanted to try to work out the cause of our problems and I said I didn't. I don't think it's worth it you are supposed to enjoy your friendships they shouldn't feel like a chore or a job. (Obviously I didn't say that) Basically that's what happened...

My frustration w/ her has been building for so long I had to get it out last night. It's aggravating to watch someone be so rude only to get offended by a sarcastic comment between friends... I'm a very honest person I feel like I did the right thing by telling her I didn't want to be her friend, this way she knows. Maybe she can learn something from this, that is my hope. I always felt that I would rather have someone tell me they didn't want to be my friend anymore than to drift slowly apart or to be ignored. Besides I don't think she would have let me drift apart I think she would have called until I gave in to hang out again.

[Dark_Fairy]

I've done the same thing before, but only once.

she is so rude to people, although she has been getting better. She is a know it all that actually does know a lot and she talks down to people like they are stupid when they don't know something, but she is actually quite sensitive.

This actually sums up the friend I "broke up with" in a nutshell during the last half of the time I knew her.

I knew my friend since first grade. I was the type of person who honestly didn't have very many friends. I had a couple of friends in kindergarten, but both of them moved away. It was in the first grade that I met the friend I broke up with, who was my best friend until the 7th grade. My friend wanted to basically be with me at all times and hated it throughout elementary school whenever I made a new friend. She would talk down to them, be mean to them, and treat me like dirt just because I wanted to spend a little time with my other friends too (which in elementary school I made about 1 or 2 friends a year, and all of them ended up moving away, sadly).

I don't know why I put up with her treating me and my friends like that, but I did. I think it's because I'm honestly too nice for my own good.

So, middle school comes along, and I make a new friend towards the last half of my 6th grade year. We clicked because we both liked RPGs, video games, and anime. She was pretty awesome, and let me sit with her friends. It was through her I met my current best friend, the one that replaced the best friend status of the friend "I broke up with".

The awesome friend eventually moved on to other friends and kinda stopped talking to me until Sophomore year of high school. So, during 7th grade year, me and the girl that both knew the awesome friend became close and we became really good friends.

Now, the friend I broke up with didn't like that, so she called my new friend stupid and all sorts of things. My new friend wouldn't put up with that, and so she didn't. And eventually towards the end of 8th grade year, I became best friends with this new girl.

So...high school comes. I ended up with a group of friends that consists of my best friend, the friend I broke up with, the awesome friend, and a few other friends. At the end of Senior year of high school, I went on a school based trip to London and Paris with the friend I broke up with and some other random school people I didn't really know. She basically ignored me almost the whole trip and occasionally said some nasty things to me. I didn't really care though cause I was having a good time on my first trip ever in my life. I had never even been on a vacation before, so going to Europe was awesome.

So we get back and my friend who I broke up with sends me a nasty Facebook message on my wall describing everything that was "wrong with me" and tore into me. All of the other friends in our little group immediately jumped in though, which a few of them had enough of her anyway, like the awesome friend who got into a giant argument with the friend I broke up with senior year of high school. And everyone defriended her on Facebook, including myself. I told her I was tired of everything she has put me through, including treating my friends like trash, and I was done with it.

I'm now going to be a Junior in college this fall semester. So I haven't been friends with her for a few years now. I think that this has been a good lesson for the friend I broke up with. At first I felt bad for "breaking up" with her, but then I realized that I shouldn't have put up with her as long as I did, and I honestly didn't feel bad anymore. If she has changed though, I'd be willing to give her another chance (my niceness kicking in).

[Nobiyuki77]

I never actually "broken up" with a friend before, but there has been a couple times when I just stopped hanging out with them due to various reasons.

Same for me, though I have had argued with friends and we then kinda grew apart, so I guess that kind of counts. Just not in the "we're done" and it's over right then and there sort of way.

Sorry to hear you had to do that, but you're right that friendship shouldn't be a chore. If a friendship is causing more stress than not, it's not a friendship worth clinging onto and will just eventually hold you back as a person.

[whitedragon_nall]

It's kind of a long story......

You tried to reason with her, but it sounds like she just wouldn't listen. Feeling a little bad about it is completely understandable, but if she was aggravating you and causing too much stress, then your better off without her. Who knows...perhaps this will help her turn over a new leaf. Maybe the friendship can be rekindled in the future.

I knew my friend since first grade.......

WOW! So much drama. Not really fair for me to judge "the friend you broke up with" as I don't know her, but she sounds like a very condescending and obnoxious person to be around.

[Arlia]

I don't make lasting friends. It's been both good and bad, but I still manage to be friendly and I'm known for my amiability.

[Silver Phoenix]

Well if she's been acting like a nice try it was only a matter of time before that scab fell off.

I purposely avoid a friend of mine because ever since he's been with his boyfriend he's become even more of an arrogant prick, and I can't stand people who act as though they are better than other people. Most of all he has obnoxious opionions, and if you disagree with him he acts as though you are an idiot.

Seeing things from both sides I can understand this friend of yours and her excitement to hear from this guy, because that was her focus and any little comment making her feel stupid about it is going to upset her. On the other hand, it's a case of dishing it out but not being able to take it. If you feel you're really done with her then stand your ground and move on.

Breaking up with a friend can feel like breaking up in a relationship, because it is a relationship of a different kind. I hope you feel you made the right decision.

[Monde Luna]

D_F The situation w/ your friend was totally worse than mine, I feel for you that must have sucked. I have only been her friend for 3 years so it couldn't have been as difficult, sorry you had to go through that.

SilverP I feel really good about my decision and I have been at ease since I ended the friendship Friday. I feel better mentally our friendship was totally stressing me out. In all honesty that particular situation was just the straw that broke the camels back it's really kind of shocking that I was that upset. I feel bad for her because I know she has a lot of issues w/ feeling insecure. She is a very closed individual and I think she only treats people like crap because it's a defense mech but at the same time there is only so much you can take.

[Silver Phoenix]

Hopefully if she's smart she can look at this introspectively and have some personal growth and better herself.

[Monde Luna]

I hope so! Deep down she has a great heart and is a good person. I'm hoping she can learn a lot from our friendship and overcome some of her issues.

[phyco126]

I've never broken up with a friend. I've stopped talking to them for periods of time when they piss me off enough, but I've always remained friends and will eventually talk to them again.

[Mog Dragonheart]

General rule of thumb for me is if I ever become unsatisfied in any relationship in which it's causing me mental anguish, I usually take a break from that person. There aren't many things more important than your own emotional & mental health.

[Jenner]

I'm not here to make friends.

[brit]

Every year it seems. I normally have a bit of a falling out and that's that so yeah. I normally won't talk to the person afterwards and I've become quite good at completely ignoring them to the point where it's like we were never friends at all. Though normally the first few days I do kind of feel bad.