Roommates-Worth the Risk?!

[Maru]

Roommates--the new STD.

Alright, so here's my predicament.

I need to move to a cheaper place. Living in the part of Philadelphia I do blows hardcore because of how expensive it is, and I've been living alone for so long that I need a change of pace.

However, therein lies the problem. I need someone to live with to make it affordable. (I pay 750/mo for a closet when I could easily find a place for half that if I lived with someone else in a 2 bedroom.)

Freshman year I had a wonderful roommate. (Well, there were 3 of them at first... but Alex and I ran those -bleeps- out. Because we're bigger -bleeps-.) She and I had a few minor issues that we settled as adults, and we never really had a fight. She moved home after freshman year and I went to live alone in an apartment complex. Said apartment complex gets bought out and made into condos, so we're all evicted in 60 days. In a rush to get a cheaper place, I agreed to get an apartment with a former very dear friend of mine who lived in the same building. (Key word: former.)

In short, we only lived together for 10 months (it became intolerable after the 2nd week), lawyers were involved, there were fisticuffs thrown, stupid girl drama and really passive aggressive activities. We moved out, and I went to go live on my own again.

But as a recent college graduate, I can't afford to live like this anymore; with rent, food, and medical expenses I barely make enough to scrape by. But I'm also terrified of living with people again. All of my friends (who were also former friends of my ex roommate) all tell me that it wasn't my fault what happened and that she was just an awful person (to be around and to live with), and that I should get back on the proverbial horse and suck it up. But I dunno, I need adviiiiccee!

So, what did you guys do after college? Is how much money I'll be saving really worth the risk?

[Sonic#]

It seems like ... in my experience, I've never had a roommate that I knew beforehand. (That will change in a little while, but that's ongoing.) And it's always ended up alright for me. And then between my friends I've seen all kinds of arrangements, from utter happiness and friendship to blithe ignorance to the roommate moving out at 2 AM because she can't deal with her roommate not being in a sorority.

I think, most often in the situations where it didn't work, ground rules weren't laid down; that is, they didn't get to know each other beforehand, if only enough to be able to say, "Alright, let's set out how we're going to solve issues." My first roommate I pretty much ignored (and he ignored me), but the most recent one I had, we pretty much laid it out; between a good rapport and mutual respect for privacy (not to mention similar sleeping habits), we did fine.

So if you've had an experience that bad, I can understand reluctance. But, for my situation, having a roommate is the only thing that makes sense. With the pay I'm going to be getting (decent for grad school), it's downright necessary if I'm going to live in a decent area. I suppose the question to ask here is, would you rather definitely worry about your finances, or risk the chance of worrying about a roommate? I'd choose the latter, but your situation may be different.

[GhaleonOne]

I've been in a similar boat in recent times. Good roommates are very hard to find. I was supposed to move in with my brother, and a week before moving into our house, I was informed of 2 other people who were moving in with us. Two people I had no desire to move in with (due to their party-reputation and my full time job that I need sleep for) but had no choice but to at least temporarily deal with it, as I had already turned in my 30-day apartment notice. It didn't work well for some time. One of the two was far worse than the other. He would leave my stuff on (such as my expensive HDTV, that I never got to use, as someone else always occupied it, the Playstation 3, etc.). He'd leave the door wide open when he left (and we're not in the best of neighboorhoods and our utiility bills weren't kind either when someone leaves a door open all day with AC running). Even my bro, who was almost best friends with him, finally got tired of it, and after enough bickering back and forth, he moved out a month ago. The other guy is still here, but he's not that bad. He can be a decent guy to hang around with. Some of his friends can be obnoxious, but thankfully that's almost exclusively on the weekends, as he at least works a similiar schedule as me. No enduring someone trying to have idiot drunk friends over at 3AM when I've got to be up at 6:30 like the other guy tried to pull.

However, the amount of money I've saved, by moving out of my nice apartment into a older, but MUCH larger house with roommates has totally made it worth it. I'll be able to go backpacking in Europe next summer, and whenever I can build up enough vacation time, I'll also be going to visit a friend in Thailand as well. Not to mention, being able to get a new Apple laptop later this week, and still being able to afford two trips to Colorado, and still being able to put money back after all this. Had I not stuck it out with the annoying roommates, I wouldn't have afforded all this.

[Imperial Knight]

My thoughts are that if you can make it work out it'll certainly be worth it.

My own experience is as follows. When I first moved to Madison two years I lived by myself in a one bedroom apartment. Then a year ago I moved into a house with some roommates. The experience has been almost entirely positive. I'm paying less than half of what I was paying before in rent, I have a larger bedroom than before, I'm in a more central location than I was before, I'm near several parks and a couple of lakes, one of my roommates has a Wii, etc.

There are definitely some factors that I think really helped out. One is that my roommates are all pretty responsible people, and that prevents a lot of problems from cropping up right there. One piece of advice I would give in that regard is that it's best to move in with people you already know, and they should be people who you know are responsible. There are certainly several people whom I would consider my friends but whom I would not want to have as roommates.

The second factor that really helped was that we laid out plenty of common-sense ground rules from the start (no leaving dirty dishes lying around, etc.) and worked out a weekly cleaning schedule. I suppose this is related to having responsible roommates in that responsible types are more likely to stick to the ground rules and cleaning schedule.

In any case, I wish you luck. If it works out, it's certainly a nice way to save some money.

[Maru]

Sonic - I'd definitely chance worrying about a roommate. I mean, my father understands I'm not at the point where I can be completely financially independent, but I don't want to run him into the ground with how expensive my rent is. We talked last night and he said not to worry about it, but I can't help it, you know? I have a big worry-wart on my face. It pulsates. Kinda gross.

I would 100% agree with you on the whole "ground rules" thing. When they're not set, things can get seriously out of control. :/ How many roommates have you had?

G1 - How is it living with your brother? My brother, myself, and one of our cousins were going to get a place together if I moved back home after college, but seeing as how I didn't it fell through. Is it different from when you were kids now that you're adults?

Oh, ick. How can you be that irresponsible to leave someone else's stuff on?! Or the door open!! Aaaahh, crap like that blows my mind. Have you guys found a third person to take his spot? Are your brother and him still friends? (That's really my big issue. God forbid anything happens, I don't want to lose any friends.)

Ho hum... I guess it's starting to look like a good idea. If you could save that much money, the whole roommate thing is look'n good. I need to save up for my trip to Italy in November, a Vespa, and the big move in a few years to California. With how expensive my apartment is, I only have $440 in my saving account, which is absolutely pathetic.

IK - Actually, that's probably where my ex-roommate and I failed. I was carrying the responsibility of the entire apartment on my back (she didn't even know how to contact our landlord when there was a maintenance issue), and all the ground rules I tried to set were shot down with her wanting me to see a shrink because "I couldn't adjust." I knew she wasn't responsible from the get-go, so that was probably my fault. I guess I just gave her the benefit of the doubt that she could act like an adult when someone else's credit and finances were on the line, as well as our friendship. My bad.





Another issue that I'm worried about is that I'm really, really ridged. Since I've lived alone for two years, and was pretty much an only child (in the household) for 4 years, I'm not used to doing things that are different from how I do them normally. I have a specific way of doing stuff, and I get really irritated when that's infiltrated. I'm just worried that'll get in the way of a healthy roommate relationship, even if it is with a friend. Is that completely retarded?! Aaahh...

[phyco126]

I have only had a few roomates, and never too much of an issue. Typically, if there was an issue, it was because of me. =P

When me an my best friend moved in together, I came home to find someone's stuff in the living room. Whatever. His brother had moved in, and he slept on the couch. He didn't bother me, I didn't bother him. To be honest, I didn't even care that he had moved in. Well, I did bug him about a MMO that he played, which he let me try out. Thus my love for SWG was born. *ahem* Sorry. Anyway, he eventually moved out, I didn't really notice because he did his best to stay to himself. Then my best friend let a girl move in with him. Again, I was fine with this, despite never being asked if it was. We both split rent 50/50 as well as utilities, so as far as I was concerned, he could do what he wantted to his half of the apartment. =P The only annoying thing about that is the occasional "love music" I could hear from their bedroom in my room when I was playing a game on the computer. That was rare enough, but I don't like hearing that kind of stuff. Never heard my roommate though, just the girl. Ha.

So the main issues that came up was I let another friend get on his brothers computer to try that MMO (which we had a discussion about, I apologized, and things where alright. I knew I was in the wrong on that one.) Another issue was with the dishes. He got fairly upset about that one, but he let it slide for some reason without telling me.

We got along fairly fine though, we both had issues that we tried to help each other on. He is my best friend though, and he is still (im)patiently waiting for me to finish wrap my debt up so I can move back in with him.

Now Sarah, your stories remind me of my sisters. Good friends gone bad. I have never seen so much drama between women than when they become roommates. =/ I hope you can get it worked out, there are only 3 people I would ever roommate with (well, of the male kind at least.) *Whistles innocently*

[Sonic#]

Sonic - I'd definitely chance worrying about a roommate. I mean, my father understands I'm not at the point where I can be completely financially independent, but I don't want to run him into the ground with how expensive my rent is. We talked last night and he said not to worry about it, but I can't help it, you know? I have a big worry-wart on my face. It pulsates. Kinda gross.

I would 100% agree with you on the whole "ground rules" thing. When they're not set, things can get seriously out of control. :/ How many roommates have you had?

Another issue that I'm worried about is that I'm really, really ridged. Since I've lived alone for two years, and was pretty much an only child (in the household) for 4 years, I'm not used to doing things that are different from how I do them normally. I have a specific way of doing stuff, and I get really irritated when that's infiltrated. I'm just worried that'll get in the way of a healthy roommate relationship, even if it is with a friend. Is that completely retarded?! Aaahh...

Ewwww, pulsating. No, I get those too. Sometimes over similar issues; I'm reluctant to take my parents' money, though I often swallow my pride and do so.

I've had two roommates formally. Informally, I include my fiancee's apartmentmates (and her) in the count, since I am over there quite a lot, have a key to get in, and have no qualms about being included in chores like watering the plants, doing dishes, or cleaning up. Of course, it helps in that case that we get along extremely well, and that I nearly moved in with them before suggesting the place to Leslie instead.

And as for being rigid... yeah, I can see how that can be a problem, but at least you're honest about the frustrations that come up. I've never lived in the same room as my siblings, but we shared a bathroom for a long time (that's three people). I don't see how we ever kept that place clean or worked around each other's schedules, especially when we were all catching the same bus.

[HiroOne]

Good roommates are definitely hard to find. Personally I've been with room-mates for the past 6 years now and I'm about to run into the situation again. I live on the outskirts of Philadelphia and have to find a new place to live in 4 months or less. I am going to find some room-mates for sure. I would like to be picky about who I room with, but cost has to weigh into the equation as well. The more people you room up with, the better off you are financially.. but you have to put up with living with more people. That means more trash, more lack of care, more noise, and more inconveniences. Personally I'm a very respectful person. I listen to music or play games with the door closed unless other room-mates are involved. If it's after hours, I try to keep it to headphones and headsets. Set the example of always cleaning after yourself (Immediately washing dishes, doing your load of laundry every week, taking trash out of your room every day). By keeping tidy and organized, you set an example that others will be more inclined to follow living with you.

[Maru]

Phyco babyface - Oh, wow. I would not be cool with living with a couple. No way, no how. That's all sorts of awkward. My ex-boyfriend and I were still together when I was living with the ex-roommate. He pretty much lived with me, and even that was strange having someone else who wasn't in the relationship share the apartment. (My door never fully closed, so we could never be, uh, "loud" without waking her up. Eeeh.) At least you guys are still friends.

It seems like girls have more drama than boys. I mean, you guys just hit each other, call a stale-mate, and make-up with lots of manly hugs. We pee on each others tooth brushes, rub meat over their veggies and other really uncalled-for stuff. Not to mention the crap talking behind backs...

Sonic - Ooohh, finacee? I didn't know you were engaged! Congratulations!

Sharing bathrooms is the worst part with me. If I didn't have my own bathroom with the ex roommate, I would have been sent to jail. No joke. When I need to pee, I need to pee, darnit!!!

Hiro - Yyeeaahh. The more people the less the cost, but the more stress... If you're looking for a place in the center city area, gimmie a call, haha!

[HiroOne]

Haha I actually live pretty close to center city already and have many friends who live in it. I'm a part of a philly cosplay group called the philly otaku (http://www.phillyotaku.com). We've got the otaku bus going to Otakon in a couple of weeks. Going to be epic fun.

As for the roommate situation, I'm working with a good friend who cosplays as Cloud. We were actually talking about getting a place close to center city if not in it so we can be much closer to the group.

[phyco126]

Phyco babyface -That's all sorts of awkward.

Not really. It was a bit, uncomfortable, for the 15 minutes or so of womanly moaning seeping through the walls, but other than that the whole thing never bothered me. My best friend and I are more like brothers than anything, we have our fights. Like, yelling and screaming fights followed by several minutes of awkward silence, then as if nothing had happened, we go do something together. XD

As for women being more drama-ridden than guys, yup. While not always the case, a co-worker pointed it out like this: Two guys get into a fight. They knock each other around for a little, then get tired. Once they are tired, they join each other for a drink and forget about the whole thing (or remember and joke about thereafter). Women on the other hand, will talk behind each others backs, fight, bicker, act all nice to the face but stab in the back, etc... and this can last for their whole lives!

Ultimately, and off the subject of women vs men, people don't bother me as much as others are bothered by people. Yes, I have my peevs, but I really don't go batty over stupid stuff.

[Jenner]

Dear Maru STOP
Roommates are not worth it STOP
Anyone that is anywhere near your age is going to be immature and unreasonable STOP
If you must get a reliable gay male room mate STOP
So the catty -Dung Beetle- doesn't happen STOP
Forever cynical, Jenner.
END TRANSMISSION.

[Maru]

If you must get a reliable gay male room mate STOP

I actually always figured that if I had to live with anyone again, it would be a gay man... Philadelphia's cup runneth over.

[phyco126]

Heh, I think Jenner gave the best advice around. =D

See, I think the hardest problem for most people is learning to live with someone that is different than them. When they don't, the little things get under their skin, and it boils into a nightmarish situation.

[Jenner]

If you must get a reliable gay male room mate STOP

I actually always figured that if I had to live with anyone again, it would be a gay man... Philadelphia's cup runneth over.

Gay men are seriously the best roommates. They COOK BREAKFAST FOR YOU.
I miss my Big Gay Roommate ;.;
They're not really chicks so they won't really start -Dragon Diamond- with you just to be alpha -Borgan-, they're usually extremely good people. Mine was OBSCENELY polite and reasonable, responsible and caring, he was my Big Gay Daddy. He left to move in with his BF and I had to learn to fend for myself in the cold harsh elements again. I've never been the same, I have post traumatic gay daddy disorder now ;.;

[Maru]

*Petpet* Gay men come and go, but those Big Gay Daddy memories will forever be.

I dunno... honestly, gay men tend to not like me. The tyranny's do, but not the gay men who dress like gay men. I love them, but no love in return. No Big Gay Daddy memories for me. :/ And no good breakfast, either.

Balls.

[HiroOne]

Funny enough, my best friend here that I plan on rooming up with once we get more people is gay - and he cosplays Cloud (Advent Children). We just got back from Otakon and briefly discussed an available place near Cottman and the Boulevard owned by one of our group member's dad. I don't have experience living with gay people, but on a more personal level, Cloud is very fun to be around and yet very level-headed. I'm sure he's going to make a great room-mate

[phyco126]

Hmmmmm. If I start saying I'm gay and make people breakfest in bed, does that mean I can start getting roomates of the feminine kind?

[Sonic#]

Hmmmmm. If I start saying I'm gay and make people breakfest in bed, does that mean I can start getting roomates of the feminine kind?

Two women and one man professing a gay roommate does not a gender preference make.

The P must be larger!

[Angelalex242]

Personally, I insist on my solitude. I don't do roommates, ever, so I can't say I blame you if you don't either. Peace and Quiet is valuable to me, and living alone is the only way to get it. It is something I am willing to pay for, and have the money to pay for, so I simply DO it.

Then again, if I didn't make such an outgoing career choice, I could go weeks without seeing another human being and even longer without talking to one and not care. I've done that, too.

Fortunately, my choice of business makes me see people all the time, so I didn't turn out a hermit after all.